


i’m sitting pretty on the throne, there’s nothing more i want (except to be alone)

by borrowedtime



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9636323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borrowedtime/pseuds/borrowedtime
Summary: “do you know what DYAD’s done to Rachel? Your daughter is lost.” Rachel + Agoraphobia, & other things.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from The Love Club by Lorde.

There was two things that she thought she’d remember. The sound of crunching leaves underneath her feet and the falling asleep in the back of a car and waking up in a bed. 

It turns out neither of those things are useful to a woman grown as a control in a lab. 

Rachel liked to go outside when she was young, something about the sun warming her skin made her feel at home. Until it didn’t. Now, Leekie worries about vitamin D deficiency and other stupid things. She takes vitamins and minerals, like always, to get him to keep his opinions to himself and to keep those charts of her healthiness on the levels that they should be.

(The truth is: he loves them too much. All of them. All of her. She knows this. She knows that one day it will be his downfall. You can’t love your experiments). 

She can see the trees from her windows. The wilderness is pretty, even on this island. Her mother is bleeding downstairs in Rachel’s room strapped to Rachel’s chair living out Rachel’s days of confinement.

Rachel thinks, somewhere distant in the back of her mind, that she should feel bad for that. Matricide. 

The wind rustles the leaves and Rachel watches them float down, down, down onto the ground below. Sarah is out there, presumably, bleeding as well. Maybe she should feel bad for that too, but she doesn’t. She’s still buzzing with her own victory. Sarah may not be dead, but she knows that Rachel can (has, will always) beat her. Is Sarah still better than her? Susan certainly seems to think so, but she’s bleeding out in a basement so Rachel likes to think that her opinions are irrelevant. 

Rachel knows that she could go and find Sarah out there. She could finish off what she started, kill the one that should never have been there in the first place. Destroy the one that happened to get away. 

She won’t (can’t), though. 

(The truth is: Rachel can’t remember the last time she stepped outside and stayed there for longer than necessary. She’s travelled, sure, but she can’t stay outside for more than two minutes at a time without feeling like she needs to scratch all the skin off her body). 

She thinks Sarah might come back if she figures out that she’s going to die out there. Rachel might even patch her up, if she felt like proving a point. She’s thinking about patching up her mother.

Her mother could prove useful, especially since Cosima got away with Charlotte.

Rachel has never wanted any siblings, finds the whole business of clones thinking of each as family completely ridiculous. They’re only family because they share a face, blood, genetics. That’s their entire basis for their argument. It’s ridiculous.

She wouldn’t call Charlotte her sister. Charlotte was taken from her, in the literal sense of the word. Taken. Stolen. Adam’s rib. Born from her. Born from her with defects and an illness that seems fit to wipe them all out. 

She wanted a daughter, once. She wanted a child, but never like that. 

(The truth is: Sarah got that, too. Fertility. Because of chance. Because of the splitting of an egg. She will always hold that over her. Kira may be half of Sarah, and thus half of Rachel, but she will never be Rachel’s. Rachel already tried that once). 

She feels it (victory) in her bones, when she stands in front of the board of Neolution. They will never allow a clone a seat at the table, but they will give her the throne. She will run this damn business because that is what she has been made to do.

She has accomplished what so many of them have tried to do, she will give them the power to control evolution. They will give her back her true purpose. Marry two sides of opposing sciences and she will look like a god to them. She could see herself as a god to the public. 

Rachel Duncan: the woman who took control of evolution. Rachel Duncan: the woman who created the perfect human being. Rachel Duncan: the woman who fashioned the best of humanity in her own image. Rachel Duncan, Rachel Duncan, Rachel Duncan. 

They won’t remember Sarah then. Not even a little bit.

Rachel watches the rain begin to fall onto the grass. This her island now. 

(The truth is: Rachel can remember the last time she went outside. It was a week before the fire. Leekie took her outside a few days later and she screamed and she cried and she felt like her lungs would no longer breathe oxygen. She never went outside after that).

**Author's Note:**

> also on tumblr: morgana-pendragonss


End file.
